After being away from writing for some time, I woke up this morning with a strong desire to write. Not that I have not BEEN writing, but my intentions for writing changed briefly and I began to wonder why. Why would I stop doing something that brought me fulfillment and purpose? As I began to ponder these thoughts, I began reflecting over the last few months of my life.
My 40th year has been a BIG one! Not just because for the obvious reasons, but because this is the year when all the masks were ripped off and the layers of paint stripped away. It was a year of discovery, revelation and exposure…for myself and the people connected to me.
It is a strange space to be in…all that you believed to be true is now on this examining table being poked and prodded. WHO told me that what I desired was impossible? WHO convinced me that living ‘just above surviving’ was God’s best for me?
The dreams you had for yourself have now been exposed as imposters. WHO convinced me that sitting at a desk making someone else’s bank account grow was my purpose? WHO told me that business was not for me? WHEN did I dream these ‘dreams’?
The reflection in the mirror is now shown to be an image of someone you never really knew and wonder how she got there! WHEN did I start believing that health and wellness was for ‘them’ and not for me? WHO told me that I could never break my addiction to sugar? WHY did ‘she’ look like a stranger after 40 years?
I am sitting on my deck right now admiring the beautiful sky, smelling the grills of neighbors begin to smoke and listening to the birds all around me ( and some AC condensers as well!) I am grateful for the life that I get to live…at least now I am. This time last year, I had a new house FULL of people and I felt alone…I felt unknown and unsure. To look at me, you would never know it, but I was just a shell. I was a shell of unknown potential and power just existing in time.
I thought I had DIRECTION for my life, but it was just DESPERATION. I was desperate to be in a different space than I was the year before because I could not bear another year of the same.
I thought I had PURPOSE for being alive, but it was just PANIC. I did not want to die before my time so, I grabbed for anything that I could connect with that would seem to make a difference in the world…even if I was not passionate about it. At least I was doing ‘SOMETHING’.
Can you relate to any of this? I’m sure I am not alone out here…
One month after my 40th birthday, I made an investment in my wellbeing. I decided to allow someone to coach and teach me how to bring out who I truly am. To learn how to discover ‘Dawn’. And of course, I was skeptical and doubting and worrisome and concerned. I thought to myself, “What can YOU teach me that I can’t discover on my own??” I very quickly discovered that the answer to that arrogant question was ‘A LOT”! The level of unbelief I lived in for 40 years was UNBELIEVABLE! As I write this now, I am amazed that I managed this long with it! But, I am aware of the reason …grace! It was the grace of God that kept me as I journeyed the path to self. The path that would confirm what He has been trying to get me to believe for so long.
One thing you MUST understand. You will never live the life of your dreams if you don’t first BELIEVE in the POSSIBILITY of that life. You can dream about it, talk about, create vision boards of it and pray on it. All great things to do! BUT, none of it matters without belief. And not just belief that is real…but belief in the possibility of it being real for YOU! Are you one of those people who can believe great things for the lives of others, but not yourself? (I’m raising my own hand!) That was me! I could see the greatness in others, yet doubt the greatness that GOD placed within me. Not based on my schooling, career accomplishments, parental successes or health goals….but pure blessing from a loving Creator. That sounds crazy but it is so common among so many woman between the ages of 25-45. There’s something about that age range…we are believing for greatness, but doubting ourselves at the same time. Double mindedness will get you NOWHERE and that is where my life was at that time…nowhere. And I desired more for myself and my family.
Today, the woman I am is an answer to YEARS of desperate prayer…the ones I attached strong belief to. I asked GOD to end the cycle of poverty, lack and sickness with me. That it would not go past me into the next generation. I was a new mom when that prayer was spoken and today my 16-year-old son amazes me with his mindset, belief and personality. He is so comfortable in his own skin and has definite goals, dreams and desires for his future. And he WILL achieve them! I firmly believe that my desire to shift and renew my mind and the WORK I put in to make it a reality changed the course of our lives. Not because I handled everything well, but because God is gracious and faithful to hear our hearts and respond to our faith.
I have emerged from the basement of my life to fully embody this vessel I have been blessed with. I am confident that the words that I speak and write will be a blessing to all who read and listen. I am confident that I have a gift to give that no one else can deliver. I believe that I am the one to do it for the people assigned to my path and I invite you to journey along with me!
Along this journey, I have discovered a passion to remind woman that the dreams and desires that have for their lives are POSSIBLE. I plan on using the gifts, talents and abilities that God blessed me with to do so. One thing I know about myself is this – I want to see other people live well! And I will use the remaining time I have on this Earth to do my part to ensure that happens!
Journey with me at https://atmospheresofwellness.com/ and discover tools to assist you in living a life of possibility!